VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - loaded laughing tonic series six; kleezypen.com

WHO OWNS THE KID

Akpors and his wife were in court for divorce. The problem was now about who gets custody for their child! His wife jumps up and says; your honor I brought the child into this world in pains and labour, he should be in my custody.
The Judge turns to Akpors,
AKPORS: (calmly) Your honor, if I put my ATM card into an ATM machine and the money comes out. Whose is it? The machine or I ?

 
 VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - loaded laughing tonic series six; kleezypen.com 

FUNNY COUPLE

A couple agreed that whenever they wanted to have sex they'd say "Let's make a phone call"
One day the man sent his son to tell his mom while she was busy in the kitchen.
SON: Mom, daddy said you should come so he can make a phone call.
MOM: Go and tell your daddy that the network is busy.
DAD: Then tell her that I will go elsewhere to make the call.
MOM : Tell you daddy that if he does that, I will open a call center here

CATCH YOU

Akpors committed a crime, and was being chased by two police men. The police men chased him far and far inside the forest. Akpors climbed and hid on a tree. The policemen ran after him into the forest and stood right under the tree Akpors was on without knowing Akpors was above This was their conversation:

Policeman 1:     (telling policeman2) akpors has escaped lets go back.
Policeman 2:     (telling policeman1) OK lets rest bit under this tree

So the two policemen rested under the tree, not knowing it was the same tree akpors was on

policeman 1:     (telling policeman2) if i catch akpors, hm he will smell his anus.
Policeman 2:     (telling policeman1) Akpors is a fool, just watch, he will answer me when i call                                     him now
policeman 1:     You can give that a trial. Let's see if he is that stupid
policeman 2:    (shouting) Akpors! Akpors!! Akpors!!!

All of a sudden Akpors who was directly above them started laughing and said

Akpors:     If you like start shouting my name from now till next year, I won't answer you             because I am no more the Akpors of before. Old things have passed away. I have really wisened up.

GUILTY

POLICE MAN: Akpors, how did you kill 47 people in a car accident?
AKPORS: I was driving at about 40mph. When I tried to stop I found that my breaks had failed. I then saw two men walking on the street and a wedding on the other side of the street. Where did you expect me to have turned to ?
POLICE MAN:Of course, to the street with the two men to minimize the casualties; so tell me what the hell happened?
AKPORS: Exactly what I did; just that when I did it, I hit just one out of the two. The other one
ran to the wedding venue. I sped after him and mistakenly hit the people at the wedding