VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (08)

TEACHER: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
EGGISTU: Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

DOCTOR: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
PATIENT: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
DOCTOR: "Nine."

TEACHER: What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
EGGISTU: Snowballs.

PATIENT: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
-DOCTOR: Don't worry. Mine too.

A police officer stops Eggistu's car.
 .
OFFICER: “Your driver’s license please.”
 EGGISTU: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
 OFFICER: “At home?”
 EGGISTU: “No, to do it.”

EGGISTU: I’m selling my talking parrot.
PUPPADON: Why?
EGGISTU: Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

Eggistu's mum notices how upset he is after waking that morning
 .
MOTHER: What's the problem
EGGISTU: I dreamt I was forced to eat a giant loaf of bread. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

TEACHER: Tell me something very dangerous
EGGISTU: Sneezing while having diarrhea!

SECRETARY: “Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.”
DOCTOR: “Tell him I can"t see him.”

TEACHER: Who can describe what a wife is?
EGGISTU: A wife is like a grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

Knock, knock.
 .
PEPISCO: Who’s there?
EGGISTU: The love of your life.
PEPISCO: Liar! Chocolate can’t speak!

EGGISTU: I’m certain there are female hormones in beer.
PEPISCO: Why do you think so?
EGGISTU: When I drink too much, I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

At a party
.
EGGISTU: Hi, do you want to dance?
LADY: Yeah, sure!
EGGISTU: Great, go and dance, I want to talk to your pretty friend!

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

PEPISCO: Is Google a he or a she?
EGGISTU: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.