VERY SHORT FUNNY JOKES - laughing tonic (15)

MRS. PUPA: Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?
MR. PUPA: I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.
MRS. PUPA: And that helps?
MR. PUPA: Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.

At a wedding
.
EGGISTU: Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?
MUM: The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.
EGGISTU: (nods) OK, and why is the boy all in black?"

MRS PUPA: I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!
MR PUPA: But honey, what about our child?
MRS PUPA: What child?
MR PUPA: Oh, so you’re not pregnant?

MRS PUPA: Honey, do you think I gained weight?
MR. PUPA: No, I think the living room got smaller.

.

MR PUPA: So do you think I'm fat?

MRS PUPA: You're not fat darling, it’s just that you’re… very easy to see.

What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

EGGISTU: Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
MR PUPA: I wouldn’t know son, I'm still not done paying for it.

KAPU: Oh, I didn’t expect you at work today, isn’t it your
 mother-in-law’s funeral today?
PUPA: Well you know how it is.Work first, then fun.”

KAPU: Your dog bit my mother in law!
PUPA: I'm so sorry. You’ll probably be wanting financial recompense, won’t you?
KAPU: (smiles) Absolutely not! I’d love to buy the dog.

When a woman says something like “Do what you want” – seriously dude, don’t do what you want. Stand still as a statue. No blinking. Play dead.

EGGISTU: I heard people say you can’t live without love.
PEPISCO: Isn't that correct?
EGGISTU: Anyway, I still think oxygen ranks higher.

Mrs Pupa hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
 .
MR PUPA: (surprised,) Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!
MRS PUPA: Yeah, well, it was a wrong number.

MRS PUPA: I don’t know what he’s complaining about. I made him a millionaire!
AUNTY PEPPER: And what was he before?
MRS PUPA: A billionaire.

My wife told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

A scientific study discovered that women with extra weight usually live longer than men who point it out.

I married Miss Right. What I didn’t know then was that her first name was "Always."