TOP 5O VERY SHORT FUNNY "HUMOUR ME" JOKES - laughing tonic; laughing pills; written comedy

GIRL: Can you help me?
BOY: Sure, what's up?
GIRL: I’m trying to get this guy to like me
BOY: Who is he?
GIRL: I really can’t tell you
BOY: Well you could just tell him you like him
GIRL: How?
BOY: Just say it
GIRL: I like you
BOY: Yeah, like that
GIRL: Idiot

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Nollywood sef have tire me ... how can Angel be putting on eye glass 😢

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Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones; they have 206 of them

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When you get angry, take a breath and count to 10. Throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.

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I used to think roasted corn was bad for me, so I gave up thinking

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I like using big words that I don’t understand to make myself more PHOTOSYNTHESIS

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I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say “ your password is incorrect”

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I’m warning you, don’t mess with me; I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, Jujitsu and 28 other dangerous words!!

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POLICE: Knock knock
ME: Who is it?
POLICE: Police
ME: What do you want
POLICE: to talk
ME: How many are you?
POLICE: 2
ME: Talk to each other

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If lying was a job, I know some people who would be billionaires /

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That moment when you walk into a spider web and suddenly turn into a karate master

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That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die

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Just once in my life, I’ll like to see a liar’s pants catch on fire

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My friend thinks he is smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face

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That beautiful moment when you are in a restaurant and you see the food coming

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MISPLACED = When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it

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Dear sneeze, If you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look in my face and leave

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You know you won an argument when the other person responds: “whatever”

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That awkward moment when you still can’t understand someone after they have repeated themselves about five times

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That awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” 3 times and still have no idea what the other person said, So you just agree!

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I told my doctor that I broke my arms in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

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WALKS INTO ROOM “Why am I here”
WALKS OUT OF ROOM “Oh now I remember”

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SINGING TO A SONG THAT YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW…. But that 15 seconds part you do know is coming and you’re going to own it

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I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and forgot

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That moment when you can’t finish a sentence because you are laughing so hard about the ending

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That awkward moment when you are yelling at someone and you mess up a word. And it ruins the seriousness…

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I love my pillow because it gives me different hairstyles everyday

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That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, have to pee

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EGGISTU: How long are your flights from America to England
FLIGHT AGENT: Just a minute…..
EGGISTU: Thanks (hangs up phone)

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Eggistu and Pupa were driving to Disneyland. They saw a sign that said, “Disneyland Left”. So they started crying and drove back home.

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Eggistu crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked him how it happened. He says,” It got cold so I turned off the fan”

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Two eggheads fell down a hole. One said, “ it’s dark in here isn’t it?” the other replied,”I don’t know; I CAN’T SEE”

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Sometimes I wish I was a bird….so I could fly over certain people and shit on their head

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I couldn’t repair the brakes so I made the horn louder

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Phones nowadays so expensive, you fall and hear a crack sound and you pray it’s your leg

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing

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The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed…..now, I need bail money

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I’ve decided to leave my past behind me; so just in case I owe you money, sorry, I’ve moved on

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If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

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Instead of calling it the John, I’m going to start calling my bathroom the “Jim” That way, I can say I go to the Jim every morning

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I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots…people get out of the way much faster now.

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Look officer, I’m not being a smart ass, all I’m saying is, If you caught me then you were speeding too

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Today’s special, buy one drink for the price of two and receive a second drink absolutely free!!

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My phone’s low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously

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I don’t insult people, I just describe them!

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Sorry I missed your call, I took too long to answer cos I was dancing to the ring tone

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing

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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

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That awkward moment when you leave the shop without buying anything and all you can think of is: “act normal, you’re innocent.”

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RAINY SEASON:
Please were is NOAH'S ark This rain is getting serious